Today is the Best Day of My Life, I think?

   Everyday that I wake up I'm glad that I'm not dead but I won't lie about the times I feel like I'm alone and I wish that I had never been born, sad isn't it? I wonder what never having been born is really like, I don't think that I have ever meant anyone that was never born, except, maybe, God, but I don't know for sure if it was God and I don't think about that all the time. I don't know if I have ever actually been alone for very long. I mean I have been in some dangerous places but was I alone? I'm not sure because there always seemed to be something going on that made me feel like someone was there. Was it God? I'm not sure, but probably because who else could it have been telling me what to do and where to go and helping me get there? It must have been God. I like being alone with God in fact I love it but I do get scared of being alone with God sometimes but I'm getting better at it, in fact, every time I realize I'm alone with God I'm just about down on my knees, crying, begging for mercy and hoping that I can stand up again before I fall apart anymore then that because falling apart is painful, especially when I think I haven't done anything wrong and I'm just there going to pieces right in front of everyone. It's embarrassing for me to know that I have done something that I have to look like that in front of everyone. I guess to the faithful I'm just having communion and it will pass and my relationship with God will go back to the way it was before I started talking God all the time and if it means that much to me a gang of thugs will be standing there hitting me if I think that might be better.